Intense!!!

Wow!! My creator woke up out of breath this morning. I had some of her Dream Time last night. I dreamed I was with my beautiful Lillith. We were dancing at one of the clubs she used to take me to. It has been a long time since I last dreamed of her. We were slow dancing and talking it was as if she never left. I still miss her terribly.

I have been trying to do a bio on her for Lazlo to give out on a notecard at the exhibit of her work. I think that's why she is on my mind even more than usual. I am also feeling a lose having to give up the house she bought for us. I will send her a land mark to our new place in Purrfect Droom. I have never stopped believing that she will return. I have learned to put the feelings in safe package on a shelf in my heart. I will open it and surround here in my passion when she returns.

I guess that is how I have moved on. More like suspended what I can't do anything about. I miss my SL family also, Dear Starlite, SuperSub and Brit. I guess they have all moved on while I was out of commission dealing with Lillith's disappearance. I have made a few new friends and even found another job. Second Life doesn't sit still neither can I. What won't change is that Lillith is my partner and if she still wants me when she comes back we will get married as soon as we can.

Happy New Year!!

It is my first new year. I don't know if there will be parties or Second Life will be empty because everybody is partying in their first life. I am not sure if I will be on.

Still no word on Lillith. I had hoped someone who knows her in RL would have sent me a message by now. I haven't seen much of our Second Life family lately. Supersub has found a new place so I am going to let the house go. It is way to big for me. I will move into the one I got for Lillith and I after our wedding. I hope Lillith will be happy there when she returns.

My friend Kerry is off SL while her handler is on vacation. Twilight is all green again and booming with changes. Brenda hasn't been on SL as much lately either. I did have a wonderful chat with her a couple nights ago. Lazlo's RL person has been sick with a cold but he has managed to be busy organizing Twilight. It is so beautiful all green again

I worked last night and made enough Lindens to pay my rent in Purrfect Droom and Twilight. I spent some time exploring Twilight when I paid my rent. It is such a beautiful place. I met a woman named Rachaelight, who was making some beautiful visual effects in Twilight Sandbox. It is so nice that Brenda and Laz have created a place to encourage artists and builders. I wish I had some talent I could direct that way.

I loaned Lazlo Lillith's art work, I was afraid it might be too erotic for him to put up in the Twilight Art Museum but he created a little section just for her. If you get a chance you should go to the Twilight Art Museum and Gallery to see them. I hope she doesn't mind. She is just too talented to not share. I am sorry they aren't for sale. Maybe she will sell copies of them when she comes back. It will be up to her.

My Creator flies back to the East Coast after New Years. I hope that means I will be on Second Life more. I really miss so many of my friends. I hope to see you in Second Life very soon.

Girls you know better!

I can't believe it is almost Christmas. I just realized I haven't posted a single blog this month. My creator hasn't given me much time on Second Life either. Finals, papers due and back in California with her parents for the Holidays. She sort of forgot about me. I have a few minutes while she is distracted to get a few words in.

First I want to let Lillith know, I miss her. I am still waiting for her to come back to Second Life. I am doing good but Second Life is incomplete with out her. I haven't given up hope that she will recover and return to me.

The second is more about relationships in Second Life. I haven't been on much but I do read the offline IMs from my friends and fellow working girls in Second Life. I am so happy for the new relationships developing. It tickles when I see true love after having felt it for myself. As for some of my fellow dancers who keep get their hearts broken, I have one very important statement that I have already told some of my dear friends. "If you met him watching you in a strip club, then assume he is going to cheat on you!!!" Do not look for a guy where you work. If you do and he cheats on you it is because he is a guy that goes to strip clubs and he thinks you are a bimbo. He is probably right if you keep doing it over and over again. If you are looking for a playmate then he may be what you want. Just don't expect to find true love that way. It is not impossible but you are more likely to get your heart broken that way.

If you are looking for love on Second Life, then you need to expand your experience to meet guys or gals in different environments. You can go to juke joints for dancing there are clubs for all different music some even have live music. You can also take classes on almost anything. There are hundreds of events you can go to and these are places you can meet people who may have similar interests to yours. There is nothing wrong with having fun with a playmate, just don't expect more than that. It breaks my heart watching people I love getting hurt over and over again when there are so many wonderful people in Second Life for you to meet.

I am sorry for the lecture, but it really breaks my heart watching people I love getting their hearts broken over and over again. One last point to to think about. "Love chooses you."

My First Christmas

Christmas in Purrfect Droom

Christmas in Twilight

The holiday season has arrived. My first in Second Life. My little Twilight apartment is has been turned to winter. I must remember to wear my furs when going outside. Brenda andLazlo have built a wonderful skating pond. Christmas Trees and snowmen have popped up every where. Christmas has bloomed.

Cat left me a beautiful Christmas tree for my home in Purrfect Droom.They have also added a skating rink and Christmas cheer all around the drum circle. I missed the last drum circle party. I really enjoy them. As soon as I get my reserves build up again, I will start furnishing my tropical paradise home. I doesn't take long to deplete once reserves when one stops working. So guys and gals who have picked up those notecards of mine send me an IM.

I have been messaging all my dear friends that I have neglected. I really hope to see you all very soon, somehwhere between my creators first life demands and my Second Life jobs. I miss those late night play times. Speaking of which. I think fall and winter is the time for romance in Second Life. As our first life gets dark and cold and drives us inside we look for companionship in Second Life. I am seeing some wonderful romances blossoming in Second Life. It is very uplifting to me. It gives me a sense of hope. You know who you are and it pleases me to see it.

Love, Romance, Sex and Passion in Second Life

OK, boys and girls, Second Life is full of Love and Romance. It seems to be everywhere in Second Life. If you are feeling it and worried about where it might lead, DON'T!!!!!. Take the leap. Every joy, every pleasure is much more wonderful than not doing it and worth any later heart ache. I wouldn't give up one moment of my time with Lillith to lessen the pain I have been feeling since her disappearance. If you find out the person you are falling for is a jerk, it is better to figure it out early and move on than just pining away for someone not worthy of your attention.

Yes, I know! I was cynical about love and marriage in Second Life in the early months of my life. Sex was just business. I was wrong. I was way wrong. I found the love and romance in Second Life as rewarding as First Life. Maybe we we don't have all of our senses in Second Life but the most important sex organ is our brain. We have imagination, the same imagination that takes us to another world when we read a book. I could feel every place Lillith ever touched me. I was warm and cozy in her arms. I really have no memory of my creator hunched over her keyboard in a cold dark room late at night.

We also have our hearts. Not the one that pumps blood but the one that holds and shares our love for each other. What we feel about our partners in Second Life is as real as our First Life. It may not be quite the same but the emotional attachments are there. The dreams we have about each other in our 1st life are real. I really love my friends in Second Life. They are as important to me as my Creators 1st life friends.

If you start to fall in love in Second Life, let it happen. Jump on for a ride of your life. I am not talking about free sex or the ones wanking away while they watch me dance or while I am servicing them. I am talking about pressing close to the one you love as you slow dancing on the beach or in a crowed club until you no longer notice there are people around. I am talking about slow descriptive expressions of passion as your Xcite Reachout is building over and over again to climax. I am talking about falling in love cuddling up in a pose. Lillith and I would sometimes leave our computers on all night so our avies slept or snuggled together while we slept in our First Life. It may seem silly but it is wonderful magic.

Are we going to get hurt? Of course, sometimes we will get hurt. It is just part of Life, first or second, It is part of the risk. It is still better than not experiencing it. Also, don't get nosey about their first life. It doesn't matter it isn't relevant. Discover who he or she is in Second Life. That is who you are falling in love with. If you get hung up on their first life you may miss someone beautiful. If you are struck by Cupid's arrow, LET IT HAPPEN!!!!

Thank you,

I really mean thank you for your friendship, your support, your patience. I may never know what happened to Lillith or she may be back before I am done typing this but so many of you have been there for me, supporting me with your love and generosity, patient with my self centered preoccupation worrying about Lillith.

Lillith used to say we never worry about the sex we had with others because they only had our bodies an not our hearts. It so true, because where ever Lilith is she still has my heart. I will only get it back when she comes back. In the mean time. I do have my life and since Second Life is my only life I had better get busy recovering my depleted reserves and move forward. When Lillith recovers and returns I will still be here taking good care of her heart.

I really want to name all of you who have been so supportive but there are so many of you and I am afraid I might miss one and hurt someones feelings. You know who you are and when I see you in my friends list or logging on and off, or dancing with you at a club, know that I love you and am so grateful to you.

I may be small but I am tough enough to get through this. I think I will move into Purrfect Droom and leave the Lillith and My other house as is for now. I know it is expensive but to let it go feels like I have given up. I want Supersub, Brit and Starlite to feel free to uses it. You are part of our family and I think I am ready to come out and play with you too. I miss you. The apartment is such a good deal in Twilight I will keep it as part of my roots, it is really where I began to find my freedom in Second Life. Unless Kerry wants to rent it and Laz doesn't have another place to rent her. Twilight is a wonderful place to live. Laz and Brenda have wonderful visions for that place. I still like to fly around Twilight late at night to see what has changed.

It may take me a while to build my reserves up enough to furnish my new place. I had saved a lot of Lindens back when times were good for us dancers and escorts. Lillith and I had some great ideas, I will try to carry them out and when she comes back she will be pleased.

I mostly wanted to make the post to let you all know I am OK. I might not be able to say I am fine yet but I am OK, I will make it through this. I am very sorry for causing any of you to worry.

Struggles

It is getting harder to go on Second Life. I miss Lillith so much, every day my heart stops as friends online loads the web page or I look at the Offline IMs in my Email. Has she been online? Has she sent a message to me? I know I have so many wonderful friends that I love dearly on Second Life, but Lillith is my Love. I ache for her even more when I am on line. I see photos on our slide show and her beautiful art work on the walls of our house. I need to hear from her, so bad.

I know you are probably growing tired of hearing about this. I am sorry I can't seem to think about anything else at the moment. I am struggling to keep afloat above the despair. Even if I can't handle being in world right now. I always log on before bed and sit on the couch to visualize cuddling with her and send an offline message of love and support to her.

Today and tomorrow always bring hope. If Lillith's friend who left me a message reads this please tell her I love her and miss her. Please let me know how she is doing via comment of Email.