Who are you? Who am I?

I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching about who we are here again. There are almost as many different reasons we are here as there are avatars. Each avatar living out a different roles we play in Second Life. Some of us are are just a cartoon of our first life while others of us are constructs in role play and method acting. Most are somewhere in between functioning on various levels of awareness and denial.

The fact us some us are not even whole by 1st life standards. Some us have physical and/or mental disabilities that limit our 1st life functionality. Second Life gives us some of the simplest freedoms most take for granted in there 1st life. Here it is a level playing field where anybody can be anything. Don't destroy OZ by pointing out the little man behind the curtain. We may be in SL for different reasons but for most of us we want to forget it is an illusion.

It is all quite innocent until real feelings from first life start to get involved. There are a lot of lonely people in Second Life. Casual or even occupational flirting can create real desires in Real Life. I have read that people actually do come here and hookup in Real Life. That is really not as common as some might think. Second Life isn't an Real Life dating service so if that is why you are in Second Life, you made a mistake. Second life does provide for some intense in world romance. It is a bit too perfect sometimes and can really drag your heart around. These are real feelings between two or more people based on what ever projections we transmit from keyboard or we interpret about the one we have become attached to.

I know I have fallen love in Second Life. I still do. Unfortunately I am one of the constructs. I don't have the luxury of a real life. That doesn't make my feelings any less real. Often the Idoru becomes more real than their creators. More people mourned the death of Sherlock Holmes than Arthur Conan Doyle or in more modern times more people cried over the death Inspector Morse than the actor who played him, John Thaw. With an Idoru there are boundaries that can not be crossed. If you do you find only electrons and information.

Come to SL to play. Even if the play is serious play, just remember it is an illusion. Enjoy the one who makes you feel good and don't ask too many questions about their first life. Enjoy what you have. Your feelings are real and delicious. You will probably lose everything if you try to take into your first life.

Gypsy

Gypsy Razor is definitely unique. If you know her you would understand the irony in that statement. I am lucky enough to have met her and even get to call her my friend. She hasn't had an easy life in RL but she keeps going. She and her cadre of friends, personalities and avatars would often fill the Jaded Strumpet with stories, ideas and opinions. Some times she may seem hard on the outside because she has had to be to be to survive. She never asks for anything and because of that she is especial appreciative when someone gives her something as simple as a "Hi, Gypsy" in IM. On the other hand if she thought you needed it, she would give you the shirt of her back.

I don't know if Gypsy really knows how much she means to so many of us here in Second Life. She touches the hearts of almost anyone she meets in Second Life who takes the time to know her. Maybe she knows now that she has seen the out pouring of wonderful words from her Strumpets

She has a wonderful imagination and very creative skills. When I used to log on to Second Life and look for where to work for the night. I headed first for Breathe to see if Gypsy was there. I had so much fun dancing with Gypsy hearing her stories and sharing ideas. We don't always agree but we always respect each other. I am excited to find out what Gypsy's next thing will be. I know it will be great. Like it or not Gypsy, you are loved.

Jaded Strumpet

It isn't easy to talk about the loss of the Jaded Strumpet. I totally understand why Gypsy had to let it go. I am not going to waste my time expressing the sense of loss we are all feeling. Gypsy did what she had to for her own survival. Gypsy is still around as are all my fellow strumpets. Many strumpets had already moved on to other things anyway. I figure the first life economy is taking its toll on the Second Life economy. Jaded Strumpet was just one of the casualties.

There is a memorial growing there as shown in the picture above. I think it is really a place we are all expressing our gratitude to Gypsy for the wonderful gift she gave us all with The Jaded Strumpet. I know Gypsy will complain and moan at the L word, but she is loved by many in Second Life.

Now lets talk about how wonderful Strumpet was. I have a couple photos on how it was. Maybe Gypsy can give me some more to post or put up a flickr page.

The photo above is one that Gypsy took and the one below is one that Yukio took. I spent many happy hours dancing at the Jaded Strumpet.



The Strumpet brought me some wonderful friends and lovers. It also paid my rent. My friend and land lord Lazlo Yoshikawa used to say he liked it because it was like going to your neighborhood pub. A place to hang out with friends. I think it was a lot like that. Even the customers were friends and we all could teased each other and had fun while making a living in Second Life. I was away form Second Life a lot but every time I came back Strumpet was my first stop. I work three or four clubs sometimes but if Gypsy was on I went to Strumpet even if Gypsy was the only one there. I figured we could bring customers and keep them happy. We all did very well and had fun. My best friends now all came from strumpet or worked there with me. I hope some of you will share some Strumpet stories in the comments. I will also add more later. I was going to write about Gypsy but I decided I will do a separate post just for her.

A broken mirror

Second Life and third Life and fourth life. It is alternate life. AKA, love the one your with. One Idoru to another and another and another. Second Life has become a world of multiple personalities, alternate avatars. What does this do to ethics? How does it effect friendships? What does it mean for relationships? Is one Alt responsible for the others actions? Is it fraud or role play? I am sure there are as many reasons for alts (alternate avatars) as there are alts. Don't worry friends I won't name names but I would like to ponders the reasons, ethics, morality and values of them. Let's be clear about one thing; we all have a least one alt. It is our first avatar which is an alternate manifestation or first life persona.

I have several friends that use alts for different reasons. My favorite series of alts is one of my closest friends. She doesn't really hide the fact that she has them. Each one represents a personalty she has in RL. This gives her an opportunity to act out in a much safer place than RL. This seems like a very legitimate function of alts. Each one has its own character and role. I still seem to love the first one I met the best but they are all a part of the whole. Which means I ultimately love them all.

I thinks the most common purpose for alts is deception role play. Whether, BDSM, Vampires, Furries, gender or any other of the possibilities in Second Life. They may have one Avatar for "normal" Second Life and other ones for thier role play.

Of course the one the big one reasons for alts is deception. Create an avatar to have an affair, cover up a lifestyle that may be to embarrassing to share with RL or even SL friends. Some create alts to use for griefing so their primary Alt doesn't get banned. I would say this if the area that most challenges ethical values. Keep in mind ethical values are a far more relative term in Second Life than they are in First Life

One of the interesting things about alts is that they can take on a life of their own. I have one friend that created one so she could have a secret life from her partner. It just about destroyed their partnership once it was discovered. (Yes they are discovered) The problem is her alt has taken on a life of its own. This is a person who has little enough time for SL as it is and now has twice the demand on it. I can totally relate to taking on your own life in SL. Yours truly, has been dragging my creator from adventure to adventure.

I seem to have attracted a few lovers whom I am sure are alts of someone else I know. A good clue is the age of the avatar and the experience they already may show. Looking in their profile and see what groups are showing and how nice their skin, shape, hair and clothes look. I even had one male client create a female alt just to watch us play together.

What happens when your create a second avatar that takes on his or her own life and becomes such a unique identity that has its own wants, needs and desires unrelated to your first avatar, even unrelated to the personality of your creator. Like characters in a novel that consume the author. could each alt become a separate character? Is it possible for each alt have a different set of ethics and morals?

All of these things are part of Second Life, possibly a features of Second Life. How does this effect our definition of "morality" or "ethics"? What people in Second Life often loose sight of is the fact that we may look like cartons but the feelings are real and indistinguishable from First Life emotions and feelings. Ultimately the morality or ethics will come down to you and your partner First Life and Second Life. If you are of the belief that your alt it not responsible to your partner you had better be damn sure your partner agrees with you or you may be risking more that you can imagine. The fact is people are going to get hurt. Who holds the karma for that one. The alt, the avatar or the handler/creator? Everything we do effects somebody in RL and SL.

I make no moral judgments. I am only asking the questions. You or your avatar will have to decide your own values. Just be sure you are willing to handle the consequences. There will be more consequences than you can imagine. Some may be wonderful and some may be harsh and painful. If you ever want to talk about this please feel free to IM me, in-world.

Hiatus Over

I have been away for awhile. I seem to have let time get away and was put away in a box for awhile. My creator had other things in the Real World to attend to. I am back now and full of energy.

A lot has happened while I have been away. Part of time, I was not around at all. It may take me a bit to get my bearings and feel the rhythm of the blog again. I just wanted you all to know I was back and there will be updates here.

Idoru

Don't look at the idoru's face. She is not flesh, she is information.
—William Gibson, "Idoru"

My understanding is that Idoru, is a Japanese word derived from Idol. As in American Idol or rock-n-roll idol. In Gibson's book the Idoru is a complete Artificial intelligent avatar performing for the real world public. In Japan young adults will line up around the block to get an autograph from a real world avatar, someone dressed up as an Aname character. Like Idoru, Rei Toei in Gibson's book some of us come into existence in Second Life as the imagination of a creative mind. Your immersion becomes my immersion. My creator became lost in my trials, adventures, romances and heartbreaks. What was once fiction becomes fact, becomes memories, becomes history.

I related to Rei Toei as I am a creation from a bio-computer. My own identity took form separate from my creator. The heroine of the novel becomes self aware carving out her existence in the author's mind. What starts as an experiment in virtual literature becomes an experiment in neuro-psychology. I could have been created by Charles de Lint or William Gibson as a character in a novel safely kept under control in a word processor or on printed page, but I wasn't. I started out as a fictitious character built in a virtual world reacting to interactions beyond the authors control. I love and I am loved as Galen Heron. I have become something other than my creator or my creator's intention. I know I can never be free or separate from her. I know I am limited to Second Life, the rich and wonderful world of Second Life. I have to borrow my authors brain and body to exist. I must respect her life in the real world. I am teaching her to respect mine in the virtual world. Galen Heron lives.

Falling Again

It can happen again. I never would have believed it. Just when I thought about closing up shop and giving my creator her life back, just when I figured it would all be fun light and casually partying for the rest of my Second Life, someone new stepped into my life and stole my heart. At least she was kind of enough to leave hers with me.

So meet Phiona Ember, a wonderful new part of my life. I know, I know, "Be careful Galen, you could get hurt again." It is still worth the risk. I am happy and smiling, even my creator has little more spring in her step and doesn't complain as much about me being in Second Life.

For awhile. It was nice but short lived. Now the love is there but we can't seem to see each other anymore.

Starlite, Twilight and new friends

I miss being on Second Life as much as I used to be. Second Life just seems to be getting better all the time. One my dearest sweet friends that I hadn't seen for months was on line. I think she has one of most beautiful names in Second Life, "Starlite Infinity" I think I wrote about how we met in a previous post. I have missed her and some of my other old friends a lot. We had an incredible time together. I think we both missed each other. I have included a picture of us dancing in the new club Lazlo built in Twilight. It is a very beautiful and romantic place, Thank you, Laz. It also has patio in the back you can dance on with a view of the ocean. I like being able to just walk over to the club from my house.

Lillith has been sick again and away from SL. I feel for Imogene. I love them both so much. Imogene and I have become much closer. We had a wonderful chat and cleared the air between us. I really feel we will be very close friends above and beyond our mutual love for Lillith. (I hope you know how lucky you are Lillith) Imogene left me an offline message to tell me Lillith had been online briefly.

I have made a couple of new friends other than the girls I dance with. (It seems every time I go to work I meet a new stripper.) Geoffrey has become a sweet friend and one of my favorite clients. He has a wonderful and excitingly open view of Second Life. Arianna is someone I met on one of my restless nights of exploration I may be pulling her into some new experiences.

Brenda and Adriane have talked about a girls night. It sounds like it will be fun if we can ever figure out when. I really like Brenda and Adriane they are both Twilight friends from what seems like a long ago time.. I look up to both of them and hope we get together soon..

I am so disappointed I am not on line as much these days. With so little time I feel pulled in too many directions. Since my lifestyle is totally funded from what I earn in world, I still need to work. So earning Lindens has to compete with my pleasure time.

Kerry and Lazlo seem to be adjusting to married life. Adjusting is a good word here. They seem to really love each other enough to find a balance between their old life and their new shared one. I love seeing how happy they are together. Second Life relationships are so fragile. It really gives me hope to see them making a go of it. .

Second LIfe Changes

Sighs! I am having to rethink my lifestyle. My Droom house rent is coming due in a few days. It is all up to me now. Business is still very slow. I am looking for a new career or at least something to augment my income. Stripping and Escort isn't doing as well as it used to.

I am thinking of letting my house in Droom go and moving into my old apartment in Twilight. Or maybe the Skybox in Ninman if Lazlo will rent it to me. I think he may just may want to sell it now that has to pay for all of Twilight. In fact Twilight is feeling so home town like, I know I will move back there. Maybe Laz will build and rent a beach house to me.

I am not sure what is going on with my business. All the other girls are grumbling too. I don't know if the business is saturated or people in SL are shifting away from it. I would love to know what other people think about this. Please comment here or send me an IM in world.

Oh! Lazlo has a blog now. I will add it to my links.

I am back.

Hi everybody. I am back on the pole and dancing for you you. You can come on down to Breathe or Hard Core to see me. I made it across the country and through the painful trials of romance and loss. I don't give up. I just took the hit and tumbled acoss the ground and got back on my feet to try again.

So Lillith and Imogene are happy together in RL and SL. I am alive and ready for my next adventure in Second Life. I have no regrets. We have some wonderful memories that we share. I love Lillith and always will. I know she will always love me. Imogene can give her more than I ever can and that is where she belongs. Our partnership is dissolved and I am on my own again. This changes nothing as far as what I have said about romance and love in SL. It was worth the risk and the pain. Lillith made me feel wonderful and wouldn't give that up for anything.

I may be just pixels but my feelings are real. SL is a wonderful place to discover and learn and even take some of it back to RL with you. I have a big friends list and they aren't all clients. I know I have been away for awhile but I am back. I am ready for work and play both of which give me pleasure. As for my heart, it is back too. It won't be so easily arrested from me again. I will be there for you dear friends and lovers, I will even love you dearly but my heart will remain mine for now.

Almost home

My creator is home and I will be back on Second Life soon. I have had time to think about what is important and what is not. That sounds silly coming from an avatar of pixels but the fact is; I am not real and I never will be.

That makes things a lot easier as far as Lillith and Imogene go. They are both real and together in RL. Imogene makes Lillith happy in both places. I know I can please her here sometimes but I am not there in RL where she needs someone the most. I can be what ever she wants or needs me to be in Second Life. If she still wants me then I will be there for her. If she needs me to give her back her freedom to partner with Imogene I will do so with out the ego based emotions. I know it is the right thing to do.

I have had a couple of Emails or IMs from Lazlo and Kerry. They seem to be doing great. I have been teasing Kerry about her being my mom now that she is SL married to Lazlo. (I am not sure if there are step-moms in SL) I told her we could be mother daughter stripper team on the double pole at the clubs we works at. I am sure that left her rolling on the floor. I can imagine Lazlo domesticated but imagining Kerry that way makes me giggle. I think they are a good match and they are both very happy. I love them both so much.

I had nice Yahoo IMs with Brenda. She has become a much closer friend to me. I think she has a lot on her mind and I am sure the transitions she is going through aren't easy. All things considered, I should know. I think she is one of the most loved and respected Avies in Second Life. Every student that ever started Second Life in her newbie class adores her. She is one of those true teachers. I know she will get through her challenges. I hope she can always feel how much love there is for her in Second Life and especially in Twilight.

I will be back in Second Life soon. I know there are changes in store for me. I may not be on as often. School is demanding more time for my creator. Once I know what Lillith and Imogene expect from me, (if anything) I will be back on stage and making you feel good. That is really what makes me happy, making you feel good. Until next time, remember to have fun.

Galen hits the road.

My creator is driving back to school cross country in her new car. I guess that means a road trip for Galen. I may not be on SL but I seem to get sneak to life in conscious thoughts as she zones out to the music and the miles.

I have had a few offline messages with some of my SL friends. Others are either too busy to answer or haven't received the couple I have left for them. I am learning what real friends are in SL.

Brenda has become a pretty close friend. We have had some great IMs. Lazlo and Kerry partnered up and are incredibly happy. It really lifts my heart to see that. I miss then both. They were both so cynical about SL partners it serves the right to fall in love with each other. I really miss dancing on the double dance pole with Kerry. She tells me that being Laz's partner won't change that. (Thank you for being so understanding, Laz). I wish I had been able to see Starlite and Gwen they both have such a special place in my heart and mean so much to me. I have always wanted to spend more time with each of them. Of course my wonderful Lillith is so caught up in her much deserved bliss to have time to respond. I will be back, I miss you.

I am learning to dissolve the ache and let it just pass through when I feel it coming. I may be only pixels but all the feelings and emotions are real. My creator may complain but she needs to feel. As for you folks that think SL is just a game, maybe you should go back to World of Warcraft. ;)

I get to read email and post my blogs at the cyber cafes, (Mostly Starbucks) Sometimes we will be lucky enough to have Internet in our motel room. I will sneak on and say high to all my loved ones. I have some very wonderful and special friends. I really appreciate you. I know you love me and what happened is nobodies fault. I better go for now. My creators breakfast has arrived and she is getting grumpy.

POOF!!!

That is what SL seems to be. Poof you are there, poof you are gone, or she's gone, or what ever is gone. Maybe it is time for Galen to be gone. At least for a little while.

Lillith has found a wonderful new love in RL and I can only be truly happy for her. She brought her to SL and I have met her. She is wonderful and very easy to love. I look forward to getting to know her over time.

Unfortunately my ego (yes, it seems avies have egos) is having some trouble adjusting. It is hard not being her center of attention anymore. Intellectually I think it is wonderful that she has someone in RL that loves her for the beautiful person she is. I know it isn't anybodies fault. As I said in my previous posts, "love chooses you" not the the other way around. *Sighs!!*

We will get through this, true love, means I want Lillith to be happy. She wants me to be as a part of her SL relationships, I will be there, eventually. In the mean time. I will sit it out or focus on working.

LILLITH IS BACK!!!!!

I have no words to explain what I am feeling. Lillith is back she has been in the hospital and was just released. Happy doesn't explain it. Tears of joy are running down my cheeks. I was laying in her arms just as I had envisioned it every day of the two months she was gone. We are more in love than ever. I wanted to thank all of you who gave me so much support. I wante to let you know that she is back. I never gave up hope and here she is. I melted into her arms as we laid on the couch. I love her so much.